I let that sink in for a moment, I put a post it note on the page, I jotted it down onto a piece of paper and was eager to reflect upon it when I wasn't so cramped for free time.
What IS my "If I'd..." story?
If I'd stayed married to my high school sweetheart, I'd have lived a childless life of frequent travel where I was being pushed into a career path of nursing that I hadn't selected for myself. He never wanted children, deeming them a waste of money. His high income and rotating work schedule permitted us to have a week off every month of the year to enjoy travel. His desire for more money spoke volumes whenever a customer would ask me, "what kind of nurse do you want to be?" and he would speak on my behalf, telling them that I wanted to work in a hospital because they had the most opportunity for overtime.
If I'd never been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), I wouldn't have known that my inner strength was so powerful and would have missed out on making many strong connections. There's a chance that I'd have never overcome my fear of needles either. (I passed out during a routine blood test during a school physical and never managed to live it down. I became faint looking at all of the i.v.'s in my cousin's arm when she was bedridden during a high-risk pregnancy.) Never mind being pushed into a path of nursing where I was expected to overcome my fear of needles on the spot. Giving myself daily injections provided a safety net to slow the progression of my disease. I am, however, thankful for the invention of the auto-injecting device so I didn't have to SEE the needle. There are no answers to HOW or WHY I got MS; I haven't done anything wrong to acquire or deserve this. Living my best life, with a positive attitude and good health choices has gotten me this far while I continue to wait for a cure and/or ways to reverse the damage that's already been done.
If I'd stayed in college for longer than three weeks, I'd have likely changed my major three times over the course of my college career since I didn't really have career aspirations at the age of 18. My brain was filled with being a perfect wife for my high school sweetheart; his career path, success and happiness was our focus; never mine. There's a chance that I would have ended up in elementary education or speech pathology, but I can't swear to that fact either. I likely would not have made a lot of friends in college because I had isolated myself to be with my boyfriend every chance I could get.
If I'd not heard a radio commercial on verbal abuse and not been subjected to living with Jeckyll and Hyde for a year, I'd be lacking a push to make a change when I had needed it most. My family and friends had bit their tongues for years, but I was blind. (Ironically, going blind was my biggest fear from MS; somehow, I had already suffered a different kind of blindness for years.)
If I'd not been on a long waiting list to get into nursing clinicals and not been forced to look for an alternate job during this wait time, I wouldn't have met my current husband. Ironically, I was trying to set him up with anyone I knew because he was the nicest guy. Serendipity. Funny how the world works; talk about being in the right place at the right time.
If I'd believed in myself, or had the right people encouraging me along the way, I'd have followed my dream to become a writer without having said "Someday, I'd like to write a book" for more than twenty years. (A few weeks ago, I ran across some writing awards I had received in high school, as well as a college classroom assignment where my 18 or 19-year old self proclaimed:
As for my future, I want to fulfill my dream of publishing a book. I don't know if I will pursue an adult or children's book, either way - my dream will come true. I would someday like to do work with children's books or children's public television. Here, I think I could make an impact on society.
I've used the excuse that I don't know if I'd like to write for children or adults for far too long. I do, however, find it comforting that I'm currently employed as a teacher's aide and making an impact on society with my positive energy.
If I'd have been offended that my grandmother was telling everyone that her newly married granddaughter couldn't ever have children because she has MS, I would have never become a mother. (Granted, meeting Mr. Right years later - who wanted to have a family, also helped my cause.)
If I'd have been offended that my grandmother was telling everyone that her newly married granddaughter couldn't ever have children because she has MS, I would have never become a mother. (Granted, meeting Mr. Right years later - who wanted to have a family, also helped my cause.)
If I'd never become a mother, I would have missed out on the challenging and exciting journey that enriched my life in so many ways and taught me a love deeper than I ever thought possible, as well as made me better at my job, working with kids.
If I'd taught my sons to sit down when they pee, there's a good chance I'd have a significantly cleaner bathroom.
I'm thankful for the path that has taken me to where I am today. Thankfully, it's not too late to chase dreams and share my creative voice.
Now, I just need to find the right balance and routines to manage life and make it happen.
If I'd taught my sons to sit down when they pee, there's a good chance I'd have a significantly cleaner bathroom.
I'm thankful for the path that has taken me to where I am today. Thankfully, it's not too late to chase dreams and share my creative voice.
Now, I just need to find the right balance and routines to manage life and make it happen.
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