I have A LOT on my plate right now. I am doing research. I am trying to talk myself into going back on MS meds. I am trying to figure out which med to go on. I am wondering how the side effects will impact my life as a busy SAHM. I am starting to mentally prepare for weaning Silas from breastfeeding. I am worrying about my recent flare-up and wondering WHAT'S NEXT? I am conscious of numbness and tingling on & off in my right hand's pinky finger, side of my hand and up/down my forearm. I am requesting information and opinions from pharmacists that I trust. I am reading about side effects; many of which are scaring the pants off of me.
I want to be well enough to care for my kids.... for a long, long time!
I have determined that I do NOT want to take the oral medicine - as there have been DEATHS associated with the administration of the first dose and the side effects do NOT sound appealing. Plus, my history of irregular heartbeat last summer MAY rule me out as a candidate to take it.... for which I think I AM THANKFUL! (One of the pharmacists indicated that in 20 years or less, they will look back on this and wonder HOW they could have EVER administered this drug to people. After reading more about it, I wonder how long it will remain on the market.)
I freaked out earlier today when I couldn't tell if the chicken fingers for lunch were done. They did NOT feel hot to me. (Upon initial diagnosis, I was able to hold a match until the flame got to my finger and NOT able to feel the heat at all... so, naturally, I wondered if my thermo-receptors are "broken" again with this recent flare-up.) Once Mike got home (and gave me a hug), he confirmed that the oven had malfunctioned and that the pan was NOT HOT.
I sent a text message to my friend Meg - asking her if her mom is bothered by Meg's kids (ages 1 and 3, both born in June) sitting on her lap. (I feared the boys sitting on my lap during bedtime stories, wondering if it would be too uncomfortable.) Meg's mom has been on Copaxone for 11 years. She said that her mom doesn't like to be pinched or poked, but the small boys in her lap doesn't bother her. Her mom reminds herself often to reduce stress and stay cool.
Sydney had heard us talking recently and has noticed that I haven't been myself. Sydney wondered WHY I am both sad and scared. I wondered WHAT to tell him. He keeps asking questions... far beyond what I expected from a just-turned-three-year-old. I reminded him how he and Silas get shots at the doctor sometimes to keep them from getting sick. (Sid the Science Kid has done SHOTS before, too, so he knows that they are GOOD, but hurt.) I told him that I will probably have to take some shots, like that, too, but I will have to do it every day and we will have to be careful with Mommy because I might be a little bit sore from where the POKE goes... on my leg, on my belly, on my arms...
"It hurt me when I got a shot, too, but not too bad." he proclaimed.
He continued to ask questions. I stalled, gathering my thoughts. (What do I tell him so that he doesn't get scared?) I told him that I have some Boo-Boos on my brain and I need to take the medicine so that I don't get more boo-boos.
"You are OK? You feel OK?" he asked inquisitively.
"Yeah, I'm OK." I assured him.
"Good."
"Maybe you can even be my helper. Maybe you can help me take the band-aid off of my boo-boo's where the shot pokes me. You think so?" I asked.
"I can do that! I'll help you take the band-aids off and kiss your boo-boo's." he offered.
"Thanks buddy! I'm really lucky... I have YOU and Silas and Daddy and a really good doctor."
"Yeah. I hope that doctor has some really good toys to play with, too." he proclaimed.
I wondered if he would be OK with all of this adult conversation. YEP, I think he's JUST FINE!
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